


Hellos and Goodbyes

by CrazyTaraWitch



Series: Long After Hope [1]
Category: Babylon 5
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-11 20:33:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2082222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyTaraWitch/pseuds/CrazyTaraWitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year is 2271. The name of the place is Babylon 5. </p>
<p>Just before Babylon 5 goes offline, Colonel Susan Ivanova visits for the last time, and meets an old friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not much plot here, just feels, fluff, and family.
> 
> This is a completed work previously posted on fanfiction.net, so I'll be posting each chapter after I finish any edits or revisions. It was originally meant to be a very short fic, but I wound up having a lot of fun with it and it grew to have a sequel. I'm considering making a third installment in the series, but we'll have to wait and see!  
> I'm taking some liberties with the timeline regarding the station; I know B5 isn't decommissioned until 2281, but for the purposes of this story she went offline 10 years earlier.

_The year is 2271. The name of the place is Babylon 5._

Entering the station for the first time, the little girl was awed by the sheer size of it. A ship with room to run and play! The idea was grand. Looking around, she quickly realized how empty it was and her excitement began to fade. A group of people, nearly the last aboard the once-crowded Babylon 5, were heading onto the ship that had brought her and her mother. They were leaving for the last time, seeking new lands and new homes. Many had been there for years; she saw a girl about her age entering the transport ship with her father, and wondered if the girl had been born here. She herself had lived much of her life on ships, but they had never been more than a few weeks without visiting a planet, and the idea of people living on the station for years and years without seeing a sun or stepping on dirt was more than the child could wrap her head around.

Long though some of those departing the station had lived there, none had arrived on Babylon 5 earlier than the girl's mother. Though Colonel Susan Ivanova had not been there in nearly a decade, she had first come to live there almost 14 years ago, when the station was less than 2 years old. Many of her best and worst memories, as well as some of her most painful losses, had occurred on this station. When she left to captain the Titans, she always assumed she'd return someday, but she never thought it would be like this. Within a year, all the people who had meant the most to her on Babylon 5 had gone their separate ways, and she had known the station would no longer feel like the home it had been without them. Life, parenthood, and of course her career had made it difficult to visit anywhere, but when she'd heard Babylon 5 was deemed to have "served its purpose" and would be shutting down to a skeleton crew of maintenance personnel, she couldn't resist the temptation to visit one last time, to share the place with her daughter and say goodbye.

Though once vibrant, the deserted halls now seemed gloomy. Susan tried to remind herself that most of the people who had lived here had merely left for new adventures, but in the emptiness she couldn't help thinking of those who had lost their lives, or lost their selves. Needing a distraction from the painful memories, she turned to her daughter. "Let's see if we can find the Zocalo! I've never seen it without people, we can go discover what it's like."

"Which way Mommy?" the little girl asked excitedly, already bored with where they were.

Susan hesitated, struggling to orient herself without the usual landmarks; after a moment she pointed, and couldn't help laughing as she watched her daughter run ahead.

After winding their way through a few corridors, they finally reached their destination, and Susan was surprised to see a tall blonde woman standing at the bar. Her back was to them and she could only just see the side of her face, but she seemed to be staring through the emptiness at the past. Ivanova watched as her ever-fearless daughter approached.

"Hello," she heard her daughter greet the stranger pleasantly.

As the woman turned to face the girl and easily returned the greeting with a smile in her voice, Susan was hit by a ton of bricks. The woman continued to turn, searching for the girl's parents. "Hello," she began on noticing the other woman, but the word died in her throat when she saw Susan’s face; the dead word fell from her lips flat and hollow.

 


	2. Chapter 2

_The year is 2271. The name of the place is Babylon 5._

Talia Winters stepped onto the station and looked around her. It was strange seeing it empty this way, but no stranger than the last time she'd been there. She wondered once again if she'd made a wise choice in coming here; hadn't she said her goodbye 6 years ago? Yet something irresistible had drawn her back, and she knew that some piece of her was still holding on to the life she'd had here.

She decided to search out her old quarters, but it only occurred to her after she arrived that of course she couldn't get in. She sighed and turned around, looking up and down the hall for some inspiration. Empty like this, the station held nothing for her, and she began to feel foolish for thinking this trip would bring her closure.

It was still hours before her flight, so she decided to do just what she would have done in the old days with a little time on her hands and headed to the Zocalo. It was completely deserted when she got there, as she had known it would be, but she stepped up to the bar all the same. She stood there for a moment looking around when suddenly a memory caught her and sucked her in.

It was as if Susan was sitting before her, as she had done more than 13 years before on the day they met. She could once again see the pain and barely restrained tears in the beautiful blue eyes, and even though it was only in her mind she ached for the other woman and longed to ease her pain somehow. Even if she had known what to say back then, and had been ready to question her loyalties and everything she knew, the Lieutenant Commander never would have accepted comfort from a stranger, especially a telepath. That didn't stop Talia from wishing she'd had a way to make things better, that day and so many others.

She doubted Susan had ever known how much she watched her, how much attention she paid to the little things, the way her mouth quirked, the way she sipped her drinks when she was nervous and threw them back when she'd had a long day, the way she held her arms behind her back when she was pissed and across her chest when she was uncertain or defensive, her preference for the stairs over the lift, and a hundred other details that became precious to her over that long, frustrating year when she tried to put together the puzzle that was Susan Ivanova. In all that time, there were many moments when she saw Susan struggling or hurting, or just plain pissed off, and wished she could help. But Ivanova had made it perfectly clear that a member of Psi Corps was not welcome in her life.

Even the day they had said goodbye to the young telepath headed for Minbar and Susan reluctantly joined her for coffee, despite the friendly banter that quickly developed between them Susan had stood up after half an hour, all her walls back firmly in place, and told her stiffly that while she was glad they could be civil she hoped Miss Winters understood why they could not be friends. Talia had cried that night, as much from frustration as sadness; she was frustrated at Ivanova for continuing to push her away and distrust her, and frustrated at herself for caring so much and being unable to get that stubborn, infuriating woman out of her head.

Looking back, Talia was glad she'd kept trying, but at the time she was certain she was mad for not giving up.

It was another day here in the Zocalo, nearly two years after the night Susan told her about her mother, when Talia finally felt that everything had been worth it and she might finally be able to build something with the woman who had sat before her. …And less than 36 hours later it had all come crashing down. The memory of that morning, sitting with Susan over breakfast and teasing each other about the time it had taken to get where they were, was bittersweet, but standing there in the deserted Zocalo Talia savored every moment of it, swearing to herself that when her ship came and she flew away, she would finally leave Susan and Babylon 5 behind. Knowing this would be the last time she allowed herself to remember her lover, she cherished every detail more sweetly than ever before.

Susan's smiles, her stubborn chuckle, her protective insistence that Talia stay the night with her… Even after 12 years she could remember every moment, every glance, and they were all more dear to her than any memories before or since Babylon 5.

Talia was suddenly jerked from her reverie by a friendly voice greeting her. She looked down at the little girl and met her steady blue gaze. "Hello," she responded with a smile. Wondering who the child was and what she was doing still on the station when nearly everyone had left, Talia turned in search of her mother or father. Eyes still slightly lowered from looking at the girl, she noticed the woman at the end of the room before she saw her face; a word of greeting formed on her lips, but before it could escape her gaze had fallen on the stubborn chin and deep blue eyes she'd just been dreaming of. "Hello" fell from her mouth as her stomach dropped, filling her with hope and dread and a hundred emotions she couldn't hope to name.

 


	3. Chapter 3

The little girl looked between her mother and the new woman, trying to decipher their emotions. It took her only a moment to decide to this was a grown-up-moment and head for the doorway.

Susan was brought back to reality by the sight of her daughter starting to wander and instinctively called out. “Sofie Talia Ivanova, stay where I can see you!”

“Yes mama,” the little girl called dismissively, plopping down on the space station floor and beginning to play with her doll.

“Sofie Talia?” the other woman whispered so softly Susan could barely hear from where she stood.

Taking a few steps forward, Susan sank into a chair at the one remaining table, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at Talia as she answered. “Sofie was my mother’s name.”  
“I remember,” came the tense reply. “And Talia?”

“I knew someone by that name, once.”  
“She must have meant a lot to you, to name your daughter after her.”  
“She did,” Susan admitted, but a moment later her voice hardened. “But that was a long time ago.”

“Yes, of course. There must have been… others. Sofie’s father.”

“Sofie’s father was… a mistake. A fortunate mistake, in the long run, but he wasn’t for me.” Susan continued to avoid the woman who now sat across from her, but she took the silence for curiosity. She watched Sofie, debating how much to reveal, before answering. As she always had with this woman, she found herself revealing more than she'd intended. “I met him just after I lost someone; someone I wouldn’t let get close, because I knew I couldn’t feel for him what he did for me. I met this nice, attractive guy who didn’t want anything more than I did; I thought, what’s the harm? So we went out a few times, but after the first night we spent together I knew he wasn’t what I wanted. I left the next day, my ship had a mission and we had only been stopped over for a weeks; when I found out I was pregnant, I felt he had a right to know, but we both agreed it was best if I raised her.”

“It must be hard, on your own.”

“Sometimes,” Susan admitted. “I worry that I don’t give her enough.”

“Enough what?”

“Enough time, enough love… I bet back then you never imagined me as a mother.”

Talia looked away, first at the ground then at Sofie, before murmuring, “I did. I just never imagined you doing it alone.”

“You thought about that?”  
  
“I thought about a lot of things.”

A moment of silence passed between them as they both watched Sofie play, making her doll fly through the air in her imaginary Starfury. Still averting her gaze, Susan murmured, “When the Psi Corps fell, for weeks I half expected you around every corner. I thought I’d given up hope years before, after all those horrible things your Control said that day.” Finally, Susan looked at Talia Winters for the first time in 12 years, and she saw the flash of pain and guilt her words caused before it was quickly hidden away. Susan’s own heart ached, not only for Talia’s pain but for the familiarity of the action. Part of her brain was telling her to shut the hell up, to avoid any subject that might hurt either of them, but if she had listened to that part of herself she wouldn’t have been an Ivanova. Stubborn as she had always been, Susan forged ahead. “I had told myself you were dead, the you I knew. And even if the real you was still in there somewhere, how did I know you ever felt anything real for me? According to Control, everything between us was a lie.”

Talia shook her head, tears welling in her eyes as she struggled to find the words. “It wasn’t a lie,” she said fiercely. “What I felt for you… Control used it. Played on it. Once I was the one trapped, I could see everything it had done. It manipulated me, and you. But I was drawn to you from the moment we met; it wasn’t until later that she used my feelings for you. It was only because I… cared for you.”

Susan nodded, just once, acknowledging the statement. A moment passed before she responded, picking her words with care. “The truth is… I never stopped thinking about you, but I wanted to. It hurt to remember, and I pushed back those thoughts when I could. Except when Sofie was born. I wanted her to have a name that meant something, and I thought of all the people that had meant the most to me. The people I had lost. My mother was ripped away from me, and then you were too… But my daughter, she I would keep safe.” At this, both women’s eyes turned to the little girl, having her own happy adventure in her own little world. “With her I would get it right, protect her as I had tried, and failed, to protect others I had loved. The day I named her, I was sure I had let you go. I was naming her after those that were gone, because you _were_ gone. I believed that I believed that, and I kept believing it until the announcements came on ISN. Psi Corps was destroyed, all the Psi Cops and other leaders under criminal investigation, and all the telepaths who had been altered, whether rogue or still operating under the Corps, were being sought for treatment. The report spoke of a hope that EarthGov could find a way to break the memory wipe and bring people back, and suddenly… there I was hoping again. It was only when the follow up report came a month later, stating that removing the Controls from the telepaths’ minds was like performing Death of Personality and there was nothing left of the people they had been, that I knew there was no hope. And it was only then that I realized, in all those years some small part of me had still thought you would come back.”

“I did. I came back to Babylon 5.” Talia stated, returning her gaze to the woman before her. Susan’s head shot up and she stared at her, eyes demanding answers. Talia sighed. “Everyone was gone. I knew about Captain Sheridan of course, and Ambassador Delenn; it was on the news when they settled on Minbar. But when I asked around… Mr. Garibaldi was gone to Mars and Dr. Franklin was back on Earth, even Ambassador Mollari and Ambassador G’Kar had left for Centari Prime. It had never occurred to me that you wouldn’t be here; I imagined you living out the rest of your life on Babylon 5, having your body sent out an airlock when you were gone.” Susan’s mouth quirked upward at that. “I thought about asking someone where you’d gone, for about half a second. Coming back here… I realized how different everything was, when in my head I’d somehow expected it to all just be… waiting for me. Static. Then suddenly I knew, I couldn’t just slip back into my old life. I thought about all the damage Control had done, and how much everything had changed; I no longer had a place here, or in your life. So I left, went back to Earth. I still had a few contacts through Psi Corps, and the doctor who helped me recover had become a friend. I did my best to build a life there, but it never felt right, and after a while I moved to Mars. I needed somewhere new. I looked up Garibaldi when I got there, but I never contacted him in the end; I didn’t know which I could stand less, the thought he would tell me about you and your grand new life in which I had no place, or the thought he wouldn’t mention you at all. I refused to believe that your absence here might mean you were gone… I was certain, somehow, I would know if you left this world. Certain I would feel a shift in the universe the day my Commander died.” Looking down shyly, she added, “I imagine you’ll think that’s foolish of me.”

“Foolish, is not the word I would choose,” Susan breathed, not knowing what to say. There was so much she wanted—needed—to know, about Talia’s life now, about the last 12 years, about how she was freed from Psi Corps’s control. Most of all she needed to know where they went from here, but there were too many questions, too many uncertainties overwhelming her. She felt the familiar itch to pace, the drive inside her reminding her that she always thought best in motion.

Talia looked at her with a hint of a sad smile, as if Susan’s silence had confirmed something in her mind, but what it was Ivanova couldn’t tell. “I know it’s been… a trying evening for you, seeing me. Go for a walk,” Talia suggested, “let yourself think. I know you never could stay still. I’ll watch Sofie, keep her safe.”

The wonder if she could truly trust Talia Winters was dismissed before the thought was fully formed. Susan was unsure whether it was due to her telepathic abilities or the simple fact that once, long ago, she had been closer to her than to anyone since her mother, but she felt certain that this was the same Talia she had known, and just as she had come to trust her back then she knew she could trust her now.

As Susan turned to go, she murmured without looking back, “I told Delenn once I thought I had loved you. I lied.”

Talia winced but quickly composed herself. “Of course, there wasn’t time-“

“I didn’t think, I knew. I knew with absolute certainty that I had loved you, as I had never loved anyone else.”

  
And with that, she walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

Talia approached the girl cautiously before sitting down a few feet away. Back during her Psi Corps training, she had mentored a few of the younger telepaths, and she’d always enjoyed them; but there the rules had been clear. With Susan’s daughter there were no guidelines, and despite telling herself that this was the only time she would ever meet Sofie, Talia desperately wanted the child to like her.

“Hi Sofie. I’m an old friend of your mother’s,” Talia greeted her quietly, trying to quell her nerves. “I’m Talia.”

Sofie’s deep blue eyes widened. “That’s my second name!” She exclaimed in awe. “I’ve never met anyone named Talia before.”

“Well, now you have.” She replied with a small smile. “Your mama went for a walk, so I thought I’d stay here with you if that’s okay.”

“You can stay with me, but she’s not my Mama she’s my Mommy.”

“Oh yes, of course. What’s the difference?”

“Beth has a Mommy and a Mama. Her Mama adopted her, so now she has two parents, just like Jesse and David.”

“And who are Beth, Jesse, and David? Friends of yours?” Talia asked curiously, hoping to get Sofie to open up so she could catch a glimpse of their lives.

“They’re my bestest friends! Jesse lives on the base like me, and we go to school together. He’s in a different class though, because he’s bigger, so at school I play with Beth. I like to pretend David’s my cousin, but Mommy says he’s not cause we’re not related to John or Delenn.”

“There aren’t always labels that fit, but people can be your family even if you aren’t related. Your family are the people that make you feel loved and keep you safe.” Talia knew better than most that those labeled family—blood or not—didn’t always deserve the title.  


“Can Jesse be my family too?”  


“Well… how long have you known him?”

“Forever and ever! Almost a whole year!”

“Hmm, you might need to know him just a little bit longer; the other thing about family is they’ll always be there, for the whole rest of your life.”

Sofie pondered this for a moment. “There’s nobody that’s *always* there; even Mommy has to go away sometimes, when she has extra important missions.”

“Nobody can be there every single moment, but the extra special thing about Mommy is she always comes back, and she always loves you even when she’s away. Who would you trust if you were scared and Mommy weren’t around?”  
“Chris takes care of me sometimes when Mommy has to work. Delenn makes me feel safe, and her cocoa’s almost as good as Mommy’s. But Minbar is very far away.”

“Yes, I suppose it is. But even when they’re far away, the people you trust to protect you are your family. And you are very lucky to have a family,” Talia added, thinking of Susan.

“Everybody has a family,” Sofie stated simply. “Mine’s small, mostly it’s just Mommy and me.”

“The size of a family doesn’t matter, it’s the love it has that counts, and it seems to me your Mommy loves you very much. And not everyone has a family you know; I don’t.”

“You don’t have a Mommy? Or a Daddy or a Mama?”

“Not for a long time now.”

“Then who keeps **you** safe?”

“No one but me, not anymore.”

“That’s sad… I know!” She exclaimed, a glint of fire in her eyes “ _I’ll_ protect you!”

In that moment, the girl looked just like a mini-Susan, and Talia had to reign in her feelings before she started to cry at the thought of an Ivanova wanting to take care of her. Letting a sad smile grace her lips she said wistfully, “That would be wonderful, but then who would protect your Mommy?”

Sofie’s brow furrowed for just a moment before yet another burst of triumph transformed her features. “We can share! I’ll protect you and we can both protect Mommy. She has a very dangerous job, so she needs lots of protection. And she can protect you! She gives the best it’s-okay-to-be-sad-hugs, and when I have a not-good day she makes the yummiest feel-better-cocoa. If I protect you *and* Mommy protects you you’ll have two people instead of none! And we can both protect Mommy so she can have two people too.”

Talia didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Her sad smiled deepened. “I’m not sure your Mommy wants me to protect her.”

“That’s just Mommy, she thinks she can do eeeeeeverything for herself,” Sofie observed with a roll of her eyes that gave a glimpse to what she’d be like as a teen a few years down the road. “But if you’re extra sneaky she’ll let you help without meaning to, and she loves cuddles when she’s sad.”

“It’s not just that sweetheart,” Talia tried to explain with a soft sigh. “I’m not sure your Mommy wants… me.”

“You can’t feel it?” Sofie asked.

It was hard to say who was the more confused in that moment, but seeing Talia’s furrowed brow the little girl continued. “When Mommy first saw you she lit up inside. What she felt… it was like the same feelings she gets when she’s had a not-good day and sees me and hugs me tight, except even stronger. It was like she’d had ages and ages of not-good days! So many she’d forgotten what was missing to make the better-than-best days. She got scared when she saw you, but happy too.”

Talia felt tears in her eyes and wanted very badly to hug the child before her, but she held back. However open Sofie might be, they had only just met, and it was no good getting attached. The fact the girl was a telepath was obvious, but that was another reason to keep her distance; despite what Sofie guessed of her mother’s feelings, Talia was certain Susan wouldn’t want her child influenced by a former member of Psi Corps.

“I was happy to see your Mommy too,” Talia tried to explain, though not even sure how to make sense of it all herself. “But being happy to see someone doesn’t always mean wanting them in your life, especially not all the time.”

“You don’t want Mommy in your life?”  
“I do, very much. But it’s complicated. Your Mommy and I… It’s been a long time, and some bad things happened between us. They weren’t anyone’s fault, but it was hard enough to earn her trust before all that. And now she has you to think about.”  
“What do you mean?”

Talia could feel the worry come off her and without thinking reached out to stroke her hair in comfort. _Learn to think before you speak!_ She berated herself guiltily. “Mommy loves you more than anything in the whole universe, and she has to put you first, which means she has to be extra careful. She couldn’t let anyone into her life that the both of you didn’t trust completely.”

“I trust you Talia,” the little girl said simply, scooting closer and quickly wrapping her arms around the blonde’s waist for just a moment before darting back. It was the first sign of shyness Sofie had shown in their whole conversation, and Talia’s heart swelled. Impulsively she reached out and wrapped the smaller body in a tight embrace, whispering in her ear, “I trust you too, little Ivanova.”

Sofie began to giggle, and as she pulled away her whole body began to shake with laughter.  
“What’s so funny?” Talia asked with a smirk.

“Nobody calls me Ivanova! That’s what everyone calls Mommy!”

“Well yes, I suppose it is. But you’re an Ivanova too, and that’s something to be proud of.”

“I know I’m an Ivanova, but I’m only _called_ Sofie. Ivanova is Mommy’s name, and I don’t think anybody gets to share it.”

“Sometimes people have more than one name, like your mother is Mommy and Ivanova and Susan, and sometimes more than one person has the same name.”  
“Like we both have Talia!” She observed excitedly.

“Yes, just like that,” Talia agreed with a smile.

Looking around carefully, Sofie leaned in close and whispered, “Can I tell you secret?”  
“Of course you can.”  
“My Mommy named me Sofie after her mommy, and I think she named me Talia after you!” Sofie sat back with a satisfied smile, proud of herself for solving the puzzle.

Talia swallowed the lump in her throat before responding. “Why would she do that?”

“Because she LOVES you silly! Whenever Mommy gives me her extra-big smile and a I-missed-you-hug she says ‘I love you,’ and I could feel her extra-big-smile inside her when she saw you. And that’s extra-special cause Mommy always saves the extra-big-smiles for me.”

“Sofie… I think maybe what you felt, was left over from a long time ago. Back when we both lived here, your Mommy and I were close for a while; maybe she even loved me back then. But her life is different now.”

“But… you said that Mommy needs to trust somebody, and I need to trust somebody, for them to be in our lives, and I trust you. Doesn’t Mommy trust you too?”

The innocence and uncertainty tugged at her heart, but before she could find the words to respond Susan stepped out of the shadows.

“Yes, Dushenka Moya, I trust her.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I am a huge dork, there's a line in here stolen from Doctor Who. So if something's familiar that's why.

Talia’s head whipped around. How much had Susan heard? Did she mean what she said? It seemed too much to hope for, yet she had never known Susan to lie. If Susan did trust her… Did that mean there was a chance for friendship? Susan’s gaze met hers, and without a word they moved to the table, both knowing there was much to talk about.

 

“Talia… There are things I need to know. I have so many questions, it’s hard to know where to start.”

“I know what you really want to ask, Susan. How did I come back? How am I here talking with you? It’s a simple enough answer, really. Do you remember when Jason Ironheart came to the station?”

“Yes, of course. It was complete chaos, and of course that creepy Bester was poking around. I was tempted to throw him out an airlock after he and his Psi Cop buddy scanned you.”

Talia smiled faintly. “Believe me, the Corps’s done much worse to me since. The part that was important was Jason’s “gift”. I didn’t know what it meant at the time, but he protected me. The next time Bester came aboard, I found I could block him easily, and I knew early on that whatever had happened turned me into a Teke. I just got stronger with time, like Jason had, and the other telepaths they experimented on. When Control took over… I should have been erased. As far as I know, everyone else in the sleeper programme was effectively killed when they were activated. There were dozens of us, and I was the only one who was brought back.

“For 5 years I was trapped. I never figured out if Control knew I was there; she was that good an actress she may have feigned ignorance. I never dared to enter her mind, for fear I wouldn’t find my way out again. But I was there, always. I learned the feel of Control, her psychic sent if you will. I started looking back and picking apart my memories, trying to figure out where I ended and she began. It took years to sort most of it out, and there are a few decisions I made that I still don’t know if were mine or hers. But the one thing I was most sure of, was you.

“After she got back to the Academy, Control had a nice little chat with Mr. Bester. She bragged about how she had manipulated me and twisted my feelings for the woman I loved, how she had used what I felt to her advantage. She was so proud. I don’t know if I’ve ever been so angry; she didn’t just take my life, she hurt you—and used me to do it. I wanted to kill her; I wanted to break free and get my life back. But it was hopeless. For 5 years all I could do was think about everything I’d lost.

“More than anything, I thought about you. About how I’d make things right if I ever got the chance. Half the time I believed it was impossible, that there was too much damage done and you could never forgive me; the other half I had this… absurd fantasy in my head, that someday when I was me again I would find you, and we’d run into each other’s arms, and without a word it would all be okay. We’d just, slip back into each other’s lives and pick up where we left off. Start falling in love again. It was a childish fairy tale, but it was the only comfort I had.

“I wanted to tell you… all the things I never got to say back then. I spent years imagining what I’d do if I saw you again, then I came back here and you were gone. I thought that was it, no more chances. And now… here you are. And all those perfect words I spent years searching for have gone right out of my head,” she finished ruefully.

 

“I can’t imagine what that’s like,” Susan said sarcastically. “Give me an epic battle and I can find the right words in an instant. But this? People, relationships? I’ve never known how to handle that.”

“We never were big on talking about how we felt, were we? Except when you were expressing your anger of course,” Talia added with a hint of the wicked smile Susan had so missed. “Why change things now? I’m sure you must have other questions.”

Susan didn’t know whether to feel sad or relieved at the shift in topic, but there seemed little point in pushing for disclosures that neither of them knew how to express or receive. “How do you know Control is really gone? It was dormant before, couldn’t it be now?”

Talia sighed. “I’ve wondered that a thousand times. Are my motives really my own, even now? But I _feel_ like me, and I’m certainly not living my life like the Corps wanted me too anymore. And with the Corps gone, does it really matter? There’s no one to activate me anymore, except Lyta Alexander I suppose, but I don’t see why she would. Maybe I’ll never be completely sure Control is gone, but my life is my own now and I intend to live it.” Talia reached across the table for Susan’s hand. She knew this was all a lot for the other woman to accept, but if this really was her life again, she wanted a chance to make it right. Back when Control had kicked in, Susan had been the only thing she was sure of; not EarthGov, certainly not Psi Corps, not what she was doing with her life, not even Captain Sheridan and the rest. Just Susan. Maybe Control had played a part in her trust and pushed her to fall more and more deeply, but the feelings were hers now.

In the last 7 years, there had been times when she wished she didn’t have those feelings; wished, even, that she could start over as a blank slate. Maybe then she’d be able to build a life, instead of just going through each day wondering what she was working for, wondering how to find meaning when every single night she woke with her hand reaching out for the lover that wasn’t there, the lover who had laid beside her only once so many years before but was still her first thought in the moments between sleeping and waking. She had wished to be able to move on and forget, had told herself that Susan Ivanova would hate her now, and certainly never trust her, and that life would be so much simpler if she could only let go. Wasn’t letting go what coming back to Babylon 5 had been about? But now… Now the last thing she wanted was to forget. Maybe they could never be what they might have been, but if she could just hold Susan’s hand for a moment, it would all be worth it. These feelings were hers, and when she felt Susan’s hand squeeze her own, she wouldn’t have traded them for the world.

“Maybe I’m not the person you knew,” the telepath admitted. “The whole time I lived here, Control was inside my head, working away in the night. I was me, but some tiny part of me was Control too. Now, I’m just Talia Winters.”

The announcement came blaring through the station, like a last call for a flight at the airport. The last ship out was ready to board, and anyone not authorized to stay as maintenance crew best be on it. Suddenly their time was up, and neither woman knew what to say. They were so absorbed in watching each other they didn’t notice Sofie approach until she asked, “Is it time to go Mommy?”

Susan felt jolted back to real life. “Yes, time to go. We need to find our seats.” She looked again at Talia, and saw her own feelings of uncertainty reflected back at her. She nodded wordlessly.

With a glance at her mother, Sofie walked to the other woman and offered her a small hug. “Bye Talia.” Then she was off, running down the corridor so fast Susan had no choice but to follow.

Just like that, they were gone, and Talia was left alone in the Zocalo. There was no time to wallow as she too had to catch the ship, but standing there trying to make her legs move she felt hollowed out inside. She had come back wanting to wrap up her time on Babylon 5, and she supposed she finally had. After all, her fond memories of the station had never been about the place. It was the people that had drawn her back here, and most of all it was Susan. She supposed it had been a fitting end, seeing her one last time and finally telling her everything. Closure. That’s what this trip had been about. She had it now; there was finally nothing left to say. At least, that’s what she told herself as she finally started to move toward the hallway. Before she’d made it 10 steps, Susan came around the corner.

“There’s something I wanted to say.”

_Of course_. _What would closure be without that one painful, final word?_ “Goodbye.”

“No. I just wanted to say… Hello. Hello, Talia. It’s very nice to meet you.”

Susan held out her hand and Talia grabbed on to it without a second thought, her fingers clinging tightly, holding on to this beautiful woman before her so she wouldn’t slip away. Just then Sofie reappeared, looked between the women, and without a word grabbed Talia’s other hand.

The trio made their way to the ship, and despite knowing their destination they each wondered where the journey would take them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it to the sappy, happy end! I actually really love leaving it open-ended like this, but I had too much fun writing Sofie and this version of Talia and Susan, so there is a sequel I will be posting over the next few days; but much fun as I had writing it, I think I rather like this ending better. So, read Picking Up at your own risk ;)


End file.
